I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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