Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Everclear isn't food dammit
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
