Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
