For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
