Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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