Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
