Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
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