So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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