I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
