Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
So squirting runs in the family.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
