Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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