She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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