I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
