new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
