I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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