I can tuck mytits in my pants
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
