Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
