Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
People with herpes should wear stickers.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
What a dumb baby whore.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
