Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
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