Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
