It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
