i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
