He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
