it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
