break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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