he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
