That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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