Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
