Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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