they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We're not piercing ourselves today.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
