anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
