Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
So. Much. Porn.
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