Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
