Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
