I hate all girls vehemently.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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