I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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