i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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