Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
