its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
