I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
