.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
