He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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