He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I am one with the molecules
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
