I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
