So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
