I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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