Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
