Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
