what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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