Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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