i need an iv and a liver transplant
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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