i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
you never un-have a 4some
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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