shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
