I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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