Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
