im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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