just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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